28 days later

28 evenings of sobriety!
we’re almost at a full month!
So far the things I have noticed in my soberdom
Mind you, this is after the horrid withdrawal stages that lasted about 2 weeks.

- I have money in my wallet!
- bills are getting paid early?!
- I don’t get upset as easily as I did
- work is getting done
- I don’t crave alcohol anymore
- I can focus
- I wake up easier in the morning
- I feel happier
- I have energy
- I’ve lost weight
- hitting on women is easier
- my conversations are more competent
- I listen better (unless I’m multitasking)
- motivation is up.

All of that within a month, I would say that the urge to go back to alcohol is minimal! All of those things are great things! there isn’t anything negative that has come out of me quitting alcohol other than the weekly salary of my favorite bartenders diminishing by about 20/30 a week in tips. I feel bad about that, so I still go in and visit them once in a while. What is really great is that no one has given me any crap about not drinking, everyone is very supportive, and I’m learning how to have fun without the booze! I’m diggin’ it! depending on how this year goes, I might do another one! who knows!

cheers group!

jw

my listening pleasure… F’d in the A.

about a half a year ago, I was introduced by a good friend to Pandora radio, the online Music Genome Project. By simply typing in your favorite song or artist, it custom creates based on many different protocol, a radio station for you on the fly. It works pretty good too! playing songs that relate to the style of the song or artist you picked. You can further go in and manipulate the station and add variety to it. You can have many different stations too.. my station list, custom crafted by myself are as follows:
80’s Cheese- self explanitory
Point5 ta Point5 – rock and alternative from 95 to 05
FunkyHouseTrain – Funky house music.. Justice, Daft Punk
JadedJunglist – for that nostalgic bwaa bwaaa BWAAAAA!
DarkIndustRok – thrill kill kult, lords of acid.. etc -
ElectroJazzFusion – NinjaTunes and friends
HipHopDizzle – some of the recent R&B/HipHop (gotta see what’s happening in the main stream.. don’t want to get too out of touch with society…
Sinead O’Conner Radio – been constantly thumbing down anything that isn’t “nothing compares” or a remix of it. (pure novelty)
HipHipTro – Oldschool Hip Hop from early early 80’s til Chronic..
80’sMetal – self explanitory
SuperTrampRadio – For my boss when he helps out in the back.

SOOOOOO….

What’s up with F’d in the A I bet you’re wondering.

Well today I was doing some design work in the comfort of my bed.. gotta love laptops… I was listening to the ElectroJazzFusion station as I usually do when I’m at home… it’s lovely. Quite lovely indeed… for designing… in the nude…
When all of a fucking sudden, I hear what sounds like maybe an old cheesy 45 of some commercial, as the electrojazzfusion folks occasionally use soundbytes from these oldschool commercials.. But no.. it was a real commercial. A COMMERCIAL…
You know it’s only downhill from here, right? you know that this free Pandora.com radio is done for right? Face it, it is… I love Pandora, it made me fall in love with Luke Vibert to the point of an actual CD purchase of Lover’s Acid.. It helped me rekindle some of the nostalgic sounds of my past, without having to physically purchase anything.. It was perfect. I can hear the commercials now, starting out as short little deals, to full on 5 minute breaks from the rock.. ohhh. my heart aches from the concept! oh well.
I guess if they offer a cheap commercial free version, then I guess I’ll buy it… it would be worth it. but fuck man…

Ashamed.

So I went to the bar last night. I know I know… I drank so much (diet coke).. I was soooo (not) messed up. I totally don’t (actually I do) remember everything that happened last night. I must (not) have looked like a fool talking after drinking all that (diet cola) shit. Oh man, I feel like absolute (sunshine that shines upon) shit right now. I must have spent (no wait I didn’t spend) $200 last night.. at least that’s what was in my wallet before I went out. (and it’s still there, thank god) It’s (not) fuckin’ empty! I was up until 4am… I woke up at like noon, I need to eat breakfast (but not because I need) to shake this hangover, (but because) I’m fucking starving. And get this! At midnight.. I switched to straight (water, not) whiskey! How (not) stupid is that? That must be the reason why I (don’t) feel like absolute hot garbage this morning.

Trannys.

First off, I want to say that I have been 14 days free of booze. 2 whole weeks! props will be accepted in advance.

But I’m going to get right down to the core here real quick. I like smut. I read smut, I look at smut – let me talk about Hustler. After the quick preliminary flipping through, to see the featured talent of the month – wincing my way through the beaver hunt (yetch! (sometimes)) it becomes a wonderful source for interesting articles and information. You laugh, but once the talent gets old and it’s still near your crapper, it’s all you really have – reading! So at anyrate.. If you’ve ever looked through a Hustler, you know that they’re a little more XXX than Playboy – as in they show what’s happening “down there” a little more intensively. They also show people making love… aggressively. What’s really kind of crazy, are all the phone sex ads in the back. Not that there is a lot of them, but that there are a lot of ads for ’she-male’ phone sex!

Now.. my question is this… Your eye kind of dances around on the page and you see a woman, and under closer inspection, you realize she has a penis. Then you look back at the face… Now, if you’re like me – do you see the “man face” peeking through all the eye shadow? their face taking on a very masculine form once you see that there’s a penis instead of a va – j – j … ? maybe I’m the only one.. One thing is for certain, it is downright frightening.

My crazy life leaves me with carcass in hand.

I guess you could say that the diet I’m on again is the opposite of a vegetarian’s.. I eat meat, all the time.. cheese… whatever… if it is or comes from animal.. I’m crushin’ it. I’m crushing it rapidly… Today I went to my bank to cash the rent check I received from my 83 year old tenant who I believe is currently dead in his bed, as he hasn’t gotten the mail in like 3 days… and he always gets the mail.. that his way of letting me know that he’s alive.. . what do I do if that is the case?!! Oh the cleaning, the ridiculousness that would have to take place to make my life normal again. I would have to clear all the shit out of that apartment.. I don’t even know any of his family’s contact information… I don’t even have a key to his apartment! Oh jesus H… what if he’s dead… Well.. that’s a side note really for this story..

I was cashing the check..(my bank has an office in a grocery store) and I saw that rotisserie chickens were on sale. The sheer thought of the taste of a rotisserie chicken fucking made my mouth water like crazy… I meandered through the store until I found them. I picked one of the plastic cases up and saw it was kind of leaky.. I grabbed the next one in line and made the dash for the check out.. $4.99 for a whole ready to go chicken? jesus, I would be a fool not to blow the lid off that shit – or a vegan i suppose. So I sang a song where all the lyrics in it were “ow” as the hot plastic bin made my hands uncomfortably hot. I placed it on the self scanner and then raced to get it home.

I then proceeded to eat the entire fucking thing and it was fucking fantastic. It really made my day. It did! Its remains are currently chilling on my coffee table. I think I’ll leave it there til tomorrow.. so my housemate can see the damage.

The best part about this ordeal, is that after I ate an entire chicken, I went on my Twitter account and told everyone that I had just consumed an entire chicken, and asked if that was bad.. Within 10 minutes after posting that, ManVFood’s twitter account started following me! hahaha! I love that fucking show!

all for now!
cheers!

vibrations?

I was thinking today that vibrations might be capable of doing more than to stimulate and massage our bodies. I think our understanding of vibrations needs to be developed. I think that certain frequencies of vibrations could achieve much greater reactions from our bodies. I think that audio and vibratory frequencies could cure disease, control matter and even isolate molecules and atoms. It makes sense to me that if a human being in water in close proximity to the discharge of a underwater bomb could die from the shock wave, then a toned down frequency might yield positive effects. I looked at cornstarch videos on the internet a while back.. (youtube: cornstarch monster and you’ll see) It’s amazing what effect frequencies can have on shit. Like the human body and the way it reacts to high decibel low frequencies it’s a physiological effect. A pounding in the chest, whereas the higher frequencies like the 5k-20k at a high decibel level make our ears bleed… I just think there is more to vibrations and audio frequency than meets… the ears… comments?

Rockband Party.

I had a Rockband party last night. It actually was a lot of fun. I had never played Rockband before. I almost kind of rebelled against it too. I would see all the commercials and be like: “OK… Seriously – this has to come to an end… this is just out of control!” My friend was the same way, but this kid I work with is always talking about how he plays songs for the first time on expert guitar and 5 star golds them immediately and all this shit. He always would try to get me interested in coming over and playing, and I wasn’t all that interested. He started saying stuff like: “fine, I’ll bring all my gear over and we’ll play it at your house, you’ll see man, it’s awesome!” I never thought that it WOULDN’T be awesome, but I had played 2 songs on Guitar Hero prior, and just thought “this shit would take waaay too much of my time to get good at it, and I just don’t have that time to commit… ever… ” So finally my coworker said it again, and I said “fine, bring it all over.. bring it all over on Friday… I’m having’ a Rockband party on Friday.. fuckit!”. He was in disbelief until I showed him text messages confirming that 5 people were already interested in coming over for it. So… We rocked the rockband! It was fun! I sang until everyone else had enough liquor in them to sing, then played some of the other instruments. Drums were too hard for me at first. I started to get the hang of it.. But I only played 4 tracks until my friend finally gave in and wanted to give the game a try. We played from about 8 oclock all the way to 4am.. we probably would have went later, but I still had to help the kid pack up all his gear and get it back to the west side before his girlfriend had a frikkin’ conniption! I am not going out and buying up any system, but last night was a success, and we all had a great time!

Locked door

First off, I want to thank everyone for the great words of encouragement in going sober. I would say that today (day has been much better than days 6 and 7. It could be that my body is getting used to not having alcohol in it, it could be the B-12 that I rocked out today, who knows… feels good though aside from a little headache…. but hey- Got another piece of art up on whatcanidrawforyou.com – check it out! I love being backed up on requests!

So I would like to take a minute to talk about something that I’ve thought about almost every time that I go number 2 at work. We have a men and ladies’ room at our office, I use the men’s and occasionally the ladies’ when I can’t hold it (we’re close at the office, they don’t mind). In the men’s room, there’s a sink, a urinal, and a stall. I don’t know if I’m the only one, but when I go into the bathroom to rock out a deuce… I lock the door to the bathroom, go into the stall and lock the door to the stall. 1 out of 5 times that I do this, after I’ve sat down and begun my business, I think “gee.. did I really need to lock the stall? hmm.. anyone else ever done this?

Oh well, time for my B pill and metmucil! rock on group!

7 worse than 6

I did some reading to figure out how long I’m going to feel like this. And by “this”, I mean easily agitated. And by “easily agitated” I mean like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk6ar7Kqu7c

Some people said 6-10 days, other people said 2 weeks, others said that I would be back to normal in a month. Well, I can’t handle it much longer, and I’m pretty sure my boss isn’t too excited either seeing me drydrunk up in his face… So I read up on what I could do to ease my shit! The majority of people said to get some face time with a doctor. A lot of good that advice does for me without a lick of health insurance! After a few more minutes of digging around I found out what the doctors would have said, and it ranged from more vitamins all the way up to dosing out on valium! A repeated suggestion was to up my B vitamin intake – particularly B12 vitamins.. So I went to the store and scored something that is to be taken in conjunction with antidepressants. It’s not an antidepressant, but the vitamins that help to body get back on track to a healthy mind and spirit. It has 3,333% of my daily B12, and 500% of D just to name the two big-boys.. I took some as soon as I got it (1/2 hour ago) and I plan on taking some when I wake up tomorrow.

I really had no idea that this would be so difficult. This is like 10 times worse than quitting cigarettes.

Day 6.. . the worst so far.

Hey gang,
I officially have begun craving alcohol. I didn’t think it would be this bad, but it is. I really just want to have a beer.. Sam Adam’s commercials come on… the dude is rubbing the hobs together, smelling them.. he looks so happy. I want one in my mouth.
Seriously though, I was at work today, and I just felt like garbage. I wanted to go home “sick” I want to call in “sick” tomorrow, but I just plumb can’t.
I really want to forget about it, but it is like a thirst that can’t be quenched. Manswers says I should get a woman to whip the shit out of me… that’s the best way to end an addiction, but I couldn’t even get my last girlfriend to let me tie her up let alone have some girl I’m not dating whip my ass. well. I could call a dominatrix i guess.

Really though, I never new the craving of a beer so badly. this is horrible, this is a physiological deal .. I just feel an overwhelmingly uneasy sensation that starts at my heart, and radiates out into my shoulders. It’s like restless legs syndrome in my chest. The only thing that seems to calm it is long ass deep breaths. I feel the uneasiness all the way into my fingertips.. it’s aweful.

Really though, I didn’t think I drank that much until I looked in my wallet and saw that I had money in it.. I realized that I drank for longer than 6 hours heavily until being heavily intoxicated about 3 times a week. some weeks I would literally drink every day… on fridays I would admittedly, at about noon just lose focus on my work and just start talking about how fucked up I would get that night. If I was working overtime, I would run to the store and buy some brews. I could drink a shitload.

Anyways, that’s enough about the addiction and the withdrawal..

Any pointers would be great!

jw