09 around the corner

Well I am slowly but surely getting all the work done that I need to accomplish so I can continue to have a job next year. It kind of stinks, but all this senseless busy work at work has really given me a chance to think about my plans for the upcoming year. I would say that I am going to set some resolutions… but I think I am going to refrain from saying the phrase “new year’s resolutions” and stick with a simpler word: “plan” .

I am going to plan on not drinking at all in 09.
Seriously, you can laugh all you want, but I am not interested in drinking this year. Drinking has done nothing but turn me into a jelly-like mass that can be rather irritable at times, with little or no drive/motivation to further myself. I plan on going out still, but I am trying to look at alcohol like a poison. A poison that not only deteriorates my perception as a short term effect, but a poison that also deteriorates my cognitive ability as well as my wallet in the long term. I had so many plans for 08, but none of them came through because I was just too damn busy. Sure I bought a house, but that was a gift-wrapped deal that struck at the perfect time. I could have painted my porch… had every weekend during the summer to get that done, and I blew that by being hungover til 2pm every day, and planning my evenings as soon as I was recovered. It’s poison! I’m going to try it and see what happens. Don’t knock me if you hear that I’m drinking regularly before February – I have a stressful job that’s only going to get more stressful this year to come that drove to drink as aggressively as I do now. When I close my eyes to go to sleep (after the ball drops and I party rock start style) I will wake up with full intentions to not drink at all.

I am going to plan on being a healthier person.
If I can get past drinking every weekend until I either offend someone or die a little bit inside, I should be able to accomplish this. I think minimizing the toxics that I throw in my body will be a step in the right direction.

I am going to plan on getting my portfolio together.
I need to get something together. I gotta start tooting my own horn and start possibly making a little extra coin on the side. I want to put all the crap I do online too, from the art and the design, to the music and video. I know that some of my stuff is shitty, but I just want to start having some sort of online presence. It’s important for an artist to have a ‘goto’ page. I think business cards will be in order as well. Freelance here I come!

I am going to plan on getting a website together.
I purchased the domain “www.whatcanidrawforyou.com”. This is going to be a donation based coin generator for me where people can request artwork for me to whip up. I need to start developing some variety in my artwork. I draw too much abstract shit, and too many bizarre faces that scare and isolate children. I think leaving what I draw up to the public could be fun. And, if they enjoy what I drew and feel like contributing a little coin, a dollar here, a finsky there.. whatever they feel – this site will prove to the public that I just love to fucking draw.. end of story.

09 is all business group, I am not saying I won’t be open to a relationship, but I am saying that I’m not looking for one. I am 16k in college debt, 14K in personal debt, and I own a house. I gotta start figuring out my plan of attack… and considering I spend about 80 – 150 a week on booze… a solution is pretty simple and evident.

Lets party for the ball drop!! Irish Center So Bo!

cheers.

I don’t know why!

Hello! I don’t know why… but I’m still up.
It’s Christmas night.. (well, day after at this point)
It was great! Got some things I put on my birthday list that I didn’t get.

What kind of sucks is that I have to work tomorrow.
I have family in town, and I have to work.
Originally, my boss was going to give us off.
Then, my co-workers didn’t show up on monday
because of the ridiculous snow storm we had,
I didn’t get there til 11 (but I was there at least) .
So because we “fucked off” on monday, we have to
work tomorrow, and he almost tried to pull a full day
out of us on Christmas eve. I didn’t get a bonus of any kind,
and I didn’t get a raise.. Just the same promise of
“some day, you’ll own a piece of this” that I think has been
going on for about 2 years now. Apparently my boss’s
christmas spirit was a little low!

Well, I’m not going to let it bother me, because I at least
have a job in this shitty economy, and my bills are
somewhat getting paid. I should be grateful even though
everyone else seems to think my boss is a Jerk, I think he’s
motivated to make this thing work out..

Well, wish me luck tomorrow.
I hope everyone had a happy holiday, and
that 09 will be our year!

jw

Evolution of ShockCore internet media.

So I think there’s a little explaining I should do about why I manage to find these ridiculous videos on the internet. And why people like myself and I find these videos so intriguing. It’s not so much that we search for bizarre oddities and shockcore, it’s almost as if I’m part of a subculture of people that all suffer from the man made disease – which I will call ‘ShockCore Desire.’ For me and probably most of the people in this subculture, it all starts with our preliminary experiences with the internet when we were 14/15 years old in combination with media efforts dating back to when we were younger than 10 years old. I’ll try my best to explain.

I will initially start by recalling when I was 5 years old in the local movie rental store. This was way before Blockbuster chains sprung up like wildfire, and when video rental was in the format of good ol’ Mom & Pop stores. I remember seeing a massive life size cutout of a character ‘Freddy’. A frightening burn-scar covered character with a glove with razor blades on the fingers. We watched this movie, I was scared shitless and tried my best to not show it. I remember flipping through Fangoria magazine, and having nightmares about its content. I tried to make like I wasn’t afraid, but the horror genre sucked me in more and more. Although cheesy by today’s standards for the genre, those mid-late 80’s horror films were downright frightening.

Then came skateboarding videos. People bailing hard, skinning their knees. Kids breaking their arms in an effort to bust out amazing moves. There was a degree of excitement brought on by these videos, and it didn’t take long before America’s Funniest Home Videos was released to the public, exposing nut shot after nut shot after bike wipeout after falling down after this person getting hurt after this person getting lit on fire or wiping out drunk at a wedding. America took the bit, and loved these videos. Although horrific in actuality, we were trained to laugh because that’s what the audience was doing. It just went downhill from there though.

My friend had America Online, and for some reason, through the use of chat rooms, was able find web sites that had pornography on them. Surprisingly around for over 10 years, “Cyberpornlinks.com” was my friend’s favorite. From this site, you were able to access thousands of pictures, thousands of sites, and even the occasional video clip! At 14.4kbps however, this shit was unbelievably slow. Even pictures took a solid minute or two to load sometimes. I remember floppy disks being made of our favorite pictures, and passed around like contraband at school. Printouts being 3-hole punched and put into binders with the special hole protecting rings.

Eventually my family got AOL, and I was able to discover my own filthy pictures. Occasionally my buddy and I would be on at the same time (after I moved out of state) and we would take turns sending links to girls we thought were amazing. This went well until one day we started sending links to America’s Funniest Home Videos” style content. Then we started sending pictures of broken skateboarder arms, broken legs, gashes and so on. Sometimes we would send a link and say : “look at this chick’s tits!” but the link would be a bone popping through the skin. Apparently there were like-minded people out there, and sites sprung up with this new ShockCore content. The frightening horror genre that we still couldn’t stop looking at slowly made its way into these sites. Eventually real images started making their way onto the internet, images of autopsy’s, images of dead bodies, images that kind of made you cringe, but you couldn’t help but look at them. Chasing that bizarre shocked sensation of watching a Freddy movie at age 5 became easy.

Computers got faster and faster and more affordable, and the content still to this day continues to grow exponentially. Sites dedicated to the “American sicko” with the media-crafted ShockCore Disease multiplied like wildfire. Sites existed where you could see a dead body one minute and a naked woman the next were all over the place. The images that took forever to load loaded in a snap. Videos began to emerge. Links were traded just the same, and the sites grew in popularity, as more and more people realized they existed. Fascinated by horror, nudity, violence and sex, the limit was continuously pushed, and a subculture was born. As soon as great video of a dude busting his leg and bleeding all over the place was uploaded to the internet, it filtered through this subculture like a newborn at an extended family picnic.

Then the site Rotton.com (reached by google search only) pushed the envelope with graphic horror, exposing us to pictures of people with their heads blown off, people with horrible medical conditions and so on. Stileproject.com is the one I definitely remember mixing the horror genre with sexuality (still accessible). Diseased genitals one moment, followed up by a gorgeous woman. And the subculture ate it up. “dude, you think that’s nuts.. look at this shit”… you can see how it grew. Steakandcheese.com followed suit with their ‘russian roulette’ approach to daily media, not really sure of what you were going to get. You would click on some text that read “This chick is kind of hot” and you would think, ‘ok, let’s see this hot chick.. hope she’s naked’ but it would be the remnants of a woman that had been burned alive. Video content grew and grew people being beheaded, people engaging in bizarre sex acts. People committing suicide, people whipping the shit out of a lover. War footage, enema footage.

Eventually you got to a point where you thought you saw it all, and a lot of it was stuff you would have rather not seen and try your best to forget. You can’t though. Then there’s your buddy from the AOL days saying “Dude, you think that last one was bad, check out this”. One crazy ShockCore video after another. Now with computers as fast as they are, you can zip right around. Sites like youtube help spread this information around too, I’ve stopped getting daily media from SteakandCheese.com, but even my rated R site, Ebaumsword.com still shows “reaction videos” to videos I haven’t seen yet. Ebaum’s is solely responsible for me having seen 2girls1cup as well as BME pain olympics. (Actually joe rogan was responsible for me seeing BME, cuz the link was on his site, but the assist came from Ebaum’s) It seems as though everyone has that one video they can’t unsee, and when they come across a person that hasn’t seen it, they plug the shit out of it. It’s unavoidable these days. Even a select group of older people might be able to tell you what the ‘lemon party’ is!

Do I blame Wes Craven, Fangoria Magazine, Sam Raimi, Bob Saget, John Miller, Rotton.com, Stile, SteaknCheese for unconsciously manifesting this disease? Well, I guess I kind of just did… Could some fucked up lawyer possibly get me some money from them for turning me into a sicko? maybe.. Do I really care? not a whole lot.. Not to that level. Could I refuse to look at something that my friend tells me “tops the last one I showed ya” fuck yeah I could. Will I? probably not. I have a disease.

cheers,
jw

Net Neutrality – A solution?

After a few pops, my brother and a longtime friend were discussing the internet. Of course, 1 guy 1 jar was brought up. This spawned more conversation about ’sick and twisted’ crap on the internet – 2 girls 1 cup, BME Pain Olympics, Ukrainian Bum Hammer Beating, 2 kids 1 sandbox, Mr. Hands, lemon party, Tubgirl, rotton.com, steakncheese.com, stileproject, a champagne enema video that was being circulated circa 99-00, and the list continued. My brother and my friend were ultimately revolted by some of these items, even though most of them, they had not seen. My brother admitted to not even getting past the ‘tongue to cup contents’ segment of 2 girls 1 cup, and all of a sudden, I looked like the guru of horrible internet content. This sparked an intellectual conversation about the future of the internet, and how some content should be regulated. However, this conversation went on further to discuss the concept of Net Neutrality. My understanding of Net Neutrality is that it is the existence of the internet as an unregulated social playground where anything goes. A place where the government doesn’t have its greasy mitts stuffed into holes creating problems and absence of freedoms through the use of elitist conglomerates and insane rules enforced and protected by fines and fees. I could be wrong, but it’s after 2am, and I’m trying to rip this blog out so I can get some sleep, otherwise I would do some more research.

After much consideration of the desire of parents to not have their 8 year old stumble across the graphic footage of a man sitting on a glass jar and having it bust apart while in his rectum, each taking a side of the coin, we came to some conclusions. These videos are a testament to Net Neutrality, and although at a glance, seem to serve little or no constructive influence on the public, do in their twisted sick ways. 1guy1cup promotes the use of safe sex toys, 2girls1cup promotes being true to one’s sexual desires, Ukranian Hammer Bum Beating promotes the NRA and the 2nd amendment. Rotton.com and their graphic images could be used in classes for individuals studying to be coroners or funeral home directors. Agree or disagree with those statements, it is this web content that is going to be responsible for the collapse of Net Neutrality. Some parent is going to catch their son or daughter watching two girls take turns barfing into eachother’s mouths after munching on feces, throw it on a DVD and ship it off to Congress with a plead for a solution to this problem.

So we developed through conversation what I believe is a very viable solution to the problem, even though it won’t be good enough for some ’superparents’. Just like a V-chip exists for television, a certain device will be used to filter web content. This would be established by the FCC, and be a rating that would be needed at the top of the code for every document on the internet. A rating from 1-10.. 10 being a dude breaking a glass jar in his ass and a guy being beaten to death with a hammer, 1 being the lyrics to the national anthem and cartoons. Every search engine would be required to have a password protected level selector. 1-10, parents could basically set their internet from a ‘G’ rating to a ‘NC-17/xxx’ setting. The rating code would be read by the browser and display a ‘not authorized – please click back’ if the browser was set to not view that page.

Fucking easy as pie… (I said fucking.. that makes this a level 7 web page!) (???)

cheers,
jw

Filler

My fingers hit the keys, as the pen used to hit the paper. Does anyone ever rock out the oldschool pen and ink anymore? I know it’s common in College, but after College, I don’t think I wrote anything down except for little notes on pieces of paper. All my serious writing is on the computer now. I don’t know.. is that good or bad? I don’t even know really… hey… here’s a fart compilation stripped from Ebaumsworld. enjoy.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80460746/

found the threshold.

Well, I have experimented again with Salvia Divonorum, the legal hallucinogenic sage that rocks your fucking face off if you’re not careful with it. Reason being is that I am planning on trying to get my brother to try it while he’s up this holiday season. I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not yet, and I’m sure once I educate him thoroughly on the pros and cons, he will certainly be hesitant. – I’m sure.

Aside from that, in my recent experiences, I have found what I am going to consider my personal ‘threshold’. I know exactly how much I should smoke if I want to leave this reality, and exactly how much to smoke if I just want to achieve some interesting closed eye visuals, and meander on the outskirts of the shaman’s world, which is sometimes all I am comfortable with. Reading through my friend’s experiences that we’ve documented, it appears as though they have serious closed eye visuals that are almost amusing, and very dreamlike. My experiences don’t seem to feel like they’re the same as theirs, and I almost get nervous as if my brain is wired differently than theirs. Perhaps my more aggressive use of recreation drugs back in the ‘experimental’ stage of our lives has created some sort of issue that is preventing the firing of neurons that will only allow me to have spiritual/metaphysical/theological experiences as opposed to seeing ‘dancing fruit slices’ or ‘a pig with a cape on it’s back’ .

My intense experiences seem to be developing a ‘theme’. It’s as if a wave of energy wraps me up, and reality is slowly pushed, pulled and ‘exposed’ as just a vibratory level that my mind sees. I can see around it and it becomes flat as the shaman’s world slowly makes itself visible, being made up of these flat images of reality. I float, I feel the presence of other entities, I avoid searching and looking for them because I am afraid to see who they are. I feel that I know them, and my freakout experience with Salvia has still left me nervous about interacting with people I know in my experiences. My mind slows down, and thoughts are almost put on hold as the visual data of the shaman’s world is processed with great intensity by my brain. ‘what can I compare this to?’ , ‘ what is this?’ , ‘what am I seeing?’. I always play soothing relaxed electro-jazz fusion music when I smoke the sage, and it feels like it was created entirely for the experience that I am having, just for me. Sometimes I don’t even hear the music, and the sounds of the shaman’s world take over. again – ‘what can I compare this to?’ , ‘what is this?’ , ‘what am I hearing?’ Just as slowly but surely the experience crescendos into the 1-2 or however many minutes it wants to contain me in its energy, it slowly lets me back out. Picture you’re laying with your head on a pillow, and someone slowly over a 30-60 second period of time, lightly pushes your head into that pillow (you’re face up of course) until you’re laughing from the pressure (not too much pressure). That person holds your head there for 1-3 minutes, then slowly lets the pressure off. But instead of pressure on your head, it’s crazy metaphysical energies, that take control of you. That’s if I smoke enough to journey pass my threshold.
Be careful and always have a sitter if you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.
Happy experimenting!
jw

Loads

So my brother and I were talking about the American English language yesterday, particularly slang phrases that one uses to speak about quantity. If you have a great amount of money for example, you would say I have a lot of money. But that’s just not good enough for America. We need to change up the word “lot” and replace it with something ridiculous, otherwise we might not think you got the point! This is when a type of ‘load’ is used to further stress just how much ‘money’ you have. Like this: “I have a —-load of money” The four dashes are replaced by 5 different words that based on which one you say, gives an idea to just how serious you are about this quantity. Although all 5 will suffice, there is a rank that directly correlates to the degree that you wouldn’t want to say one of those 5 in front of a 2 year old girl or boy.

The rank is as follows:
I have a Buttload of money.
I have a Crapload of money.
I have an Assload of money.
I have a Shitload of money.
I have a Fuckload of money.

But let’s not forget that if you don’t want to say the “F” word, there is a variation that can be neatly tucked in between Shitload and Fuckload like a pair of nuts on a hot summer night. That would be the phrase: “Shit-Ton” So… consider it officially documented, that the order goes Buttload, Crapload, Assload, Shitload, Shit-Ton, Fuckload.

But wait, it gets better. You can even fine tune these 6 little helpers in intensity by stressing and holding the first sound your mouth makes when saying them. For an example.. an “AAAAAAAAssload” is a hair larger than an “Assload” but not quite a “Shitload”. And yes, when you stress “Buttload”, you can either stress the absence of sound, or hang on the “uuuhhhh” … but the absence of sound is more intense, and you find yourself with your eyes closed looking at the ground a little bit, waving your head a little bit like Stevie Wonder, but with your head angled towards the floor.

I hope you enjoyed this lesson on our fucked up vocabulary.

cheers,
jw

Wrestling – Yeah.. I was there… ( ? )

Group –

I went to WWE at HSBC Arena this past weekend. I have never been to the WWE or the WWF (when it was called such). I had gone with some friends to the ECW shows at the Burt Flickenger Center, but I believe that those shows were a little different, because there was some insane shit going on there; people flying through tables, garbage cans filled with weapons getting used in the ring, blood, crazy painful looking crap. WWE is 30% action, 30% crazy multimedia, and 40% Drama. It’s basically a manly soap opera. Some fans might kick my ass for saying so, but if you’re like me, and don’t follow wrestling, you can see that if you don’t follow it, you’re lost. Luckily some of the same people that were doing it about 10 years ago when I would occasionally watch it were still doing it, so I was able to have at least a couple people to cheer for.

I was in the 200s, and once I watched the first match, I knew I had to tie one on. Being intoxicated definitely added to the experience. A good portion of the individuals there to watch the show were intoxicated, and they were hilarious. I really think watching some of the people there was occasionally more exciting than the show itself. Being drunk allows you to yell, which I believe is encouraged at these events. Chanting various things is always fun. (none of the “she’s got herpes” chants like ECW, but various things. ).

What was most impressive was the Multimedia extravaganza that took place – Supremely well organized and custom tailored eye candy and music reminded me of the intensity of the show where they were ripping robots up in the movie “AI”. Just over the top, top of the line shit. LED boards flickering away. What was also very impressive was how everyone that came out to the ring had their own, highly customized entrance. Every single wrestler had a unique 1 minute multimedia extravaganza that let the arena know that they were coming… To think of all the people involved in creating these 1 minute shows with so many different LED panels, lights, strobes, pyrotechnics and music… It all had to be so highly organized.. The man hours that probably went into them is probably ridiculous. I took pictures! see below.. it’s all of the same area of the arena, but when different people were coming out to wrestle.. you can see it never looks the same. It’s fuckin awesome..

the Lube

Well the day has finally come. They’ve put a Quaker Steak and Lube in my town. Right on Transit road over by the Eastern Hills Mall. For those of you not aware of what Quaker Steak and Lube is, it is basically a Hard Rock Cafe, but instead of having knickknacks and bullshit on the walls relating to rock and roll, it all revolves around racing paraphernalia. I’m not a massive racing fan, in fact I would say racing and bullshit like that unfortunately doesn’t excite me at all. I don’t know shit about cars. I am on the opposite end of the scale when it comes to giving a shit about vehicles. I’ll get in conversations with dudes who begin to name off makes and models of vehicles, and I do that bizarre head nod that comes from the shoulders where the head kind of dips down and the neck really kinda stays still, and follow it up with some sort of verbal display that I understand.. like a “ooohhhh .. yeah?” or a quick “hm!” sometimes works well, but in all actuality, they could have told me any combination of vowels and consonants followed by a number, and they would have gotten the same results.

What I do know a lot about and love… is fuckin’ hot sauce. There was a while in my life where I was consuming shitloads of different varieties, and prided myself on being able to eat the hottest shit imaginable. This dude I went to school with, skottey Forden, was kind enough to tell me about the Quaker Steak n Lube down in Erie, PA. We made plans to get down there and try what he touted would be the hottest wings I would ever eat. I was delighted when I go down there, and saw they had a crazy amount (19) of wing sauces on their sauce list, or LUBE list as they called it (racing themed). Scoville Heat Units (SHU’s) are used to rank the heat of the sauces. SHU’s are determined when a drop of the sauce is put in a container, and they count how many equal volume drops of water it takes to eliminate all remnants of heat from the container. For example, the heat from a Jalepeno would be classified as 2500-5000 SHU’s. The Atomic Wings are the hottest wings they serve, and they rank in at 150,000 SHU’s, and are actually served with a side of Jalepenos to (jokingly) cool your pallet!

I ordered the wings, and the server actually brought a card over for me to fill out.. a waiver for wings!? I knew I was in for it. They came out shortly thereafter, and they were a brown color, with a very strong odor. My mouth immediately began to salivate (even the thought of them makes it salivate now!) Initially, they were sweet and surprisingly full of flavor. They were hot, I could feel it on my lips, and after the 3rd one, my internal temperature had gone up a few clicks. Sweat formed on my brow, and my face turned a nice shade of red. These things, as flavorful as they were, were downright the hottest wings I had ever consumed. They screwed me up physiologically as well as psychologically and I loved it.

So needless to say, there were day trips planned to Erie PA after that day. 2 hour car rides for wings?! well – with every trip taken there, we would discover more exciting things to do. There is a pet store in the mall down the street from the QSL that boasts a pretty wide variety of animals. I purchased a millepede there for my 22nd birthday that was pretty fuckin badass. You can buy fireworks and Ninja supplies in Erie too. Then there’s the peninsula, which is this massive.. peninsula that juts out into lake Erie, and no matter what day it is, you can drive around it and find an area to park and have like 100 yards of beach to yourself, and cram down beers and relax before eating the hottest wings ever. It’s fun to explore!

SOOOO.. the day trip to Erie PA was great. And to think, it was all in the name of wings. So the fact that there is now a Quaker Steak n Lube in Buffalo, is very exciting as well as nostalgic for me. I ate there tonight with my friends and made sure to be one of the first to make it to the “Wall of Flame”. Once again, I ate a compact bucket (20) of the atomic wings, signed my waiver, got a bumper sticker, and was a spectacle to all the fresh QSL staff, who had yet to see a 20 spot of the atomic get crushed. I put my bumper sticker on my ride, and took off, joking with my friends about the deuce I’m going to drop tomorrow.

previous post.

So I wrote that poem to Belladonna, I don’t imagine she’ll ever read it – I didn’t intend on her reading it when I wrote it obviously. Belladonna just doesn’t hold back and I think that’s why I like her. I follow her on twitter, (my twitter: http://twitter.com/jeffwalton ) And she is pretty much like any other chick, but she’s just on another plane of existence when it comes to sex and sexual activity. So, she mentioned something about “One guy one cup” on her twitter, and I didn’t think anything of it, because I was at work. Then she mentioned that her husband can’t get enough of it.. This I read after work while I’m baggin’ around on the internet looking at stupid shit! So I say “One guy one cup, eh? What.. he’s gunna take a crap in a cup or something?” I do a quick little google search, and sure enough – easy to find.. One guy one cup. (aka one guy one jar)

I clicked play, and I swear to god I don’t know if I want to believe it’s real or not, but it was downright horrendous… I cannot unsee it… If you have a stomach made of iron, and you ate your food pyramid and your fuckin’ omega 3s, so on and so forth, and you think you can stomach this video.. by all means.. go ahead (I FUCKIN WARNED YOU!) Oh MyLANTA! comments please if you can make it all the way through it.

Yeah .. downright nightmarish!

Then of course, I stumbled upon the Mr. Hands video at timetopuke.com. Which is a video where a guy gets crushed (internally) by a horse, then apparently died after filming. You can also find the famous 2girls 1 cup video, and the BME pain olympics there as well… In fact, that’s all you’re going to find there. WHY IS THIS SHIT ON THE INTERNET!? it’s turning us into fuckin wackos!
I should be happy that there’s no real regulation of content on the internet, but jesus.. why do these videos exist? and why do we fucking watch them? I blame Bob Saget and rotten.com.
(which has been showing us fucked up shit since 1996!)
cheers.

jw